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John Palcewski's Journal

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Wanting Something


On the restaurant terrace in Camogli that evening I realized my relationship with Vittoria was more peculiar than I wanted to admit to myself. We were lovers, yes. But had we ever spent a single night together? No. Had I ever gazed at dawn upon a tousel-haired sleepy head and said, “Ready for your coffee?” No. Had she ever awakened me with a tender kiss and whispered, “Want to fool around?” No. Not once.

By any objective measure Vittoria was a fantasy, or a metaphor within my text, entirely disconnected from reality. But then I remembered something clever I’d once read somewhere:

“Wanting something is having as much of it as you will ever have.”

I wrote those words in my notebook not too long before the waiter brought my spaghetti con frutta de mare, and I felt a little better.

After my meal, gazing at the sea and the ancient story-book architecture, I decided if this is all I’ll ever have of that woman, well, all right. This achingly lovely place is part of what has made Vittoria who she is, and here I am.

Aren’t I?

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What I want is not to want what isn't mine Tori Amos, "Another Girl's Paradise"

Lovely photograph. Makes my heart ache looking at it.

Such a beautiful longing photograph...simply lovely.

oh to be a chair in this lair.
the journey you offer...
and all the while i'm sitting still.


Fantasy love is much better than reality love. Never doing it is exciting. The most exciting attractions are between two opposites that never meet. -- Andy Warhol

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