May 23rd, 2009

The Real Me

I must see some sun or fall in love or both--nothing else will do. I used to love the rain. Love! At the moment I can't imagine what love is. It has been a long time now. And I tell Johnny I don't have a penis to think with, which may explain why.

And what draws me?

I reply that I like men who lean into life. Who laugh with their mouths open wide. Men who make me think of my father, and all the other glorious men I've known and loved. I want a man who ruffles my feathers, who makes me want to howl at the moon. I want a man with big brains, I want a man with a hard body, I want a man who knows what to do with a long slow night. And a little sunshine wouldn't hurt.

Johnny tells me that I easily win first prize for bringing about the most intriguing and compelling dinner date he has been on for years. I reply that I enjoy his enthusiasm. He tells me that if I like to get telephone calls, he is capable of a barrage of verbiage. Just like what Cosima Wagner once said of her husband, which is that such a man expounds at length on all subjects, including those of which he is completely ignorant.

He also tells me he is impatient.

I quite like impatience in a man.

He smiles. What is my passion?

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