A fresh, new notebook ready for my scribbles. On its cover I have pasted two photos I took at a gallery showing last summer of the sculptures of Liselotte Wahl, an artist who lived a long time here in Forio. I didn’t realize the significance of the lower image until a couple weeks had gone by. I suddenly understood my composition of the two figures wasn’t entirely random; my subconscious had a part in it.
It is, of course, a perfect representation of my being abandoned at birth by my mother, my growing up thinking she was dead. Her face reflects the shame that tormented her all her life. For me it was a formative experience, one that has had a profound influence on my thinking, behavior, and my art.
There are, after all, no accidents.
As for Vittoria, her CT-scan test result arrived yesterday: “Inconclusive.” Which means she’ll have to re-take it. On IM she told me, “Oh, hell no. I’ve had enough tests.”
Why was it inconclusive? Well, maybe her refusing to take a dye injection had something to do with it. She hates needles, and somehow convinced the doctor to let her pass on it. I don’t have a medical degree, but when I heard what she did I told her the test would be meaningless, a goddamned waste of time.
I fully understand her motivation, but what about that alleged medical professional? Why did he allow it? The answer is simple. Vittoria has had from infancy the capacity to wrap men around her little finger.
What am I going to do with that girl?