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Love Is What You Want It To Be

Lately I’ve been thinking of love and its varied manifestations. For instance, feeding Pushi. I carefully measure out a half cup of dry crunchies and mix it with a foil packet of the wet gloppy stuff. Pushi comes in, quickly gobbles it all down, and licks the bowl clean. Her purring as she settles on the seat of the chair under the kitchen table tells me I have done the right thing by her.

Feeding my cat reminds me of Elizabeth, my favorite ex-wife. That moody woman had the annoying habit of piling up excessive amounts of canned food for Buster, her black longhair. In the morning he’d saunter insolently into the kitchen, sniff with disdain, and nibble a bite or two, then amble off, totally disgusted, leaving the wet pile mostly untouched. Then in the evening, Elizabeth would open up another can, and dump it on top of the mound she’d put down that morning.

Several times I suggested that she reduce the amount. This was toward the end of the marriage, the final months. She ignored me because feeding Buster in that wasteful manner was her business, not mine. She made that clear. It didn’t matter that I was the one who had to clean up that stinking mess each day. You know what they say: the one who loves the least has the most power. So this was just one among the many battles I never won.

I suppose I could have fought on doggedly, as the Palestinians do against the Israelis. I might have experienced the peculiar satisfaction of the outnumbered and outgunned. What an Arab writer calls "euphoria in the ruins." But I have no taste for that sort of doomed conflict. I am a Romantic. For me it’s better to preserve an illusion rather than watch it slowly being destroyed. That’s why I so willingly left when she told me to get out.

The other day I had a dream about her. She was in a robe of pale, thin cloth that fell open to reveal her nakedness. She beckoned to me, arms outstretched. She wanted to dance. Because she’d changed her mind. Let’s start over, you and I, she whispered. But I was paralyzed. Fearful. I couldn’t move.

That’s when I woke up. I went to the bathroom to take a leak. At the front door Pushi peeked in through the glass, and meowed. She wanted her breakfast.


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choose the hill you want to die on. Cat food is not exactly somethingI would pick for a waterloo. Sounds like you deserve better anyway. I have seen a part of your soul with your journal... She was a lesser being I can almost grantee it.... mayhap that is something that attracts you. You are creative and deep, perhaps you see shallow beauty and hope to deepen it... believe me when I tell you shallow beauty is and will usually stay shallow beauty. look for someone who connects with your soul now.... that is hard to find but easy to maintain once you do. I am a musican and sonwriter.... I have found it is more rewarding to be with someone who is an artist in a differnt field... but an artist none the less, that way there is a mutualy understanding.

I agree. Lucky for me that the love of my life has the soul and temperament of an artist, as well as some deep shared experiences, hence we enjoy a profound mutual understanding. She may drive me totally nutz sometimes, but this situation infinitely better than with the ex. I'm blessed!

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Glad you found something in it...thanks.

Thank you for posting this.

As you might know, I'm in the middle of getting divorced. I can relate to this post in ways I currently cannot articulate. I just wanted to tell you I'm grateful for what you've said... I don't feel quite so alone in this life change right now.

Thanks. No matter how bad it gets, it always gets better. Eventually!

What a great post. You use your adjectives in such an effortless manner, it's such a talent.

Also - what street is that LOVE statue on? It's across from the Hilton in 6th ? Is this new? Hmm...isn't there a similar statue in Philly or am i out of my mind?

I would like to take pictures of the statue for a project I'm working on.

Thanks for your comments! Yes, it's on 6th Avenue, between 53rd and 54th. I'm really not sure about one in Philadelphia. Something tells me there is, though, but I don't know why.

Thank you!! Hopefully it will sit still for a while - it might make a nice holiday card with my photographic son :)

Have a great weekend!

funny you should be having this conversation. i was just in NY at 53rd and 6th and stood looking at this and said "i thought this was a Philly icon" Love park that is supposedly being renovated from all the skateboarders doing freestyle there.

maybe it is traveling? i don't remember it being this bright red and blue...love seems to be a traveling icon in my life too...go figure.

btw: john i stopped in de la concha...in memory of the great posts from your times in NY. No Ivan to be found ;~( but did see...the russian's loan shark of sorts talking about lots of $$$ and critiqueing the good, the bad and the ugly passerby's.


I'm going to have to do some research on this one.

Re: open this link.......

hey that's great!!
i also was surprised to see where it was in Phila.! i don't remember it being *there* as i graduated from Moore College of Art...1979...it was removed 1978 from the article i just found. remember some hoopla over it being removed.
check this out too:
LOVE Statue
Where:Love Park, Philadelphia, USA

Photo credit: Photo by Bob Krist (1999) for the Greater Philadelphia Tourism Marketing Corp. (GPTMC)The LOVE Statue ranks as one of the most iconic and memorable monuments of any American city, being instantly recognisable to those who have watched the Rocky films and who view Will Smith videos.
The LOVE sculpture began its tenure in the city when it was loaned to Philadelphia for the United States' Bicentennial Celebration in 1976. It was removed in 1978. However, it was sorely missed and in response a local businessman and chairman of the Philadelphia Art Commission - F. Eugene Dixon, Jr. - purchased the statue, which has now become a permanent part of the city's landscape. This is one of the top photo ops in the city and well worth the visit. The surrounding area is lovely and the Philadelphia Museum of Art (again in the Rocky films) can be seen in the distance. The whole place has a regal air similar to that of the Mall in Washington, D.C.

thanks...i feel much smarter about LOVE these days...now if only...;~)

Glad that you got a first-hand look at DLC. I have to tell you, however, that "Ivan" is among the psuedonyms I gave to the regulars both to protect their privacy and also to inject a bit of perverse irony. I'm curious as to who might be the loan shark you mention. What did he look like? The rest sounds exactly like what goes on. People on the sidewalk looking in, frowning usually, and then the guys respond as guys usually do.

i figured *Ivan* was a psuedonym...for the alpha male in the brown wool Versace one day and belted jeans in the next.
the loan shark of sorts...had the rectangular rimless glasses. i'll comment on the post i remember him from.

and yes they were commenting on a youngthang that seemed to have the misfortune of wearing a most unflattering midriftop. i think it was expressed as...'if she can wear that...so can i'. i concurred.

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