John Palcewski (forioscribe) wrote,
John Palcewski
forioscribe

Counting The Books

  Title

Sweetpea said: “Why do we always fight?”
I replied: “It might have something to do with your unwillingness to say you're sorry. Or to even imagine that what you do might be hurtful to others. To me.”
“Okay I'm sorry for all the times I made you mad. What do you think of that?”
“Am I really talking to Vittoria?”
“And I love you. So there. Do what you want with it.”
“What brought that on?”
“I'm feeling emotional today.”
“Not to nitpick, but you could have done without that last sentence, ‘Do what you want with it.’”
“Why?”
“It's kind of like taking back the loving comment.”
“I have that edge to me. I don't know why I do it. Really I don’t.”
“I know why.”
“Why?”
“Because intimacy terrifies you. So does commitment. And obligations.”
“In other words I need to grow up.”
“Exactly.”
“But, hey, I am grown up.”
“Physically, oh yes. Emotionally, no way.”
“If you think it's a bad thing then why are people attracted to me? They tell me to never change.”
“Sweetpea, you attract all those men because you come across as guileless and child-like, which makes them want to take care of you. Is that appropriate behavior for a grown woman?”
“Sure. Why not?”
“Nope.”
“But you were attracted to me for the same reason. Plus I don't know how to be anything else but me.”
“Well, then stay exactly as you are.”
“You know what I think?”
“No, I don't know what you think.”
“Maybe I need to be on my own with no men or friends just so I can find out who the hell I am.”
“Ah, yes. Exactly! Disappear for about six months. All by yourself this time.”
“No, I didn’t mean that.”
“It’ll be just perfect.”
“I’ll get my own place and…”
“The more I think about it, the more I like it. We won't communicate for the next six months. No, make it a year. Two years.”
“You asked me to grow up. But wait. This is who I am. I can't be anyone or anything else. This is all I know.”
“Listen. People change all the time. They somehow find a way of quitting behavior that brings them bad consequences. You won’t change who you are if you stop running away with your so-called ‘friends.’”
“Okay.”
“There are other examples.”
“We’ll see.”
“But you’ll change only if you want to. Otherwise you’ll continue your old ways. And risk losing things that are important to you.”
“All I can say is I will try.”
“Find a way to want to.”
“I said I’ll try, okay?”

* * *

“I have never given you peace.”
“Yes, I've noticed.”
“But that's why you love me. Because I drive you nutz.”
“I don't love you for the hurtful stuff you do. I love you in spite of it.”
“Very interesting point of view. You love me for who I am, nutz and all.”

* * *

“James.”
“Yes?”
“Do you remember our first time?”
“Of course I do.”
“Twenty-six.”
“What does that mean?”
“That’s how many books were on the shelf by the bed.”
“Ha! And here I thought I was making you delerious with pleasure.”
“But you were. I told you that.”
“Not if you’re counting books.”
“I’ve always been able to be in two places at one time. I said to myself, so this is what it’s supposed to be like. Do you remember? It was the very first time I had an…well, you know.”
“Yes. It was hard to believe. I always thought Italians were great lovers.”
“I didn’t know I could have those kinds of feelings inside me.”
“Well, it wasn’t entirely Giancarlo’s fault, you know.”
“Yes.”
“Being in love has a lot to do with it.”
"I suppose."
“That’s the big difference between women and men.”
“What?”
“Men can get off with a ham sandwich. Women, well, that’s a different story.”
“Guess what I liked a lot?”
“What?”
“When you gently touched me on my thighs.”
“Hey! We’re not supposed to be talking about this stuff right now. The rule is, we talk romance only when we are face-to-face.”
“I know. But guess what else I liked.”
“Stop.”

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