John Palcewski (forioscribe) wrote,
John Palcewski

Pants On Fire

Her elbow jabbed into my ribs, and I was again fully conscious. "Tell me something," she said.


"The exact truth about what you were thinking while you were making love to me this time."

"Oh, no. Here we go again."

"Come on. You've got the gift of gab. So speak to me."

"All right. When I saw your panties they seemed to me like the inside of a seashell. Which in turn reminded me of the famous Botticelli painting of Venus, the Greek goddess who brought love to the world."

"Oh, come on. How do I resemble Venus?"

"Long legs, long hair. A somewhat imperious look."

"You're kidding me, right?"

I sat up in the bed. Turned and adjusted the pillow. I knew this was going to be still another of those brutal, invasive interrogations of hers. Which likely would take a while, so I might as well get comfortable.

"You asked, and I replied. If you don't like what I'm saying we can change the subject."

"You don't have to be so defensive all the time."

"I'm not."

"So the white of my panties reminds you of a shell and the shell reminds you of a painting."


"What is in the painting?"

"You'd recognize it instantly. Venus stands in a large, open scallop shell. Hovering in the air to the upper left Zephyr and Chloris appear together, embracing."


"That's it."

"Come on, there's more. You wouldn't have thought of the image if it hadn't somehow resonated powerfully somewhere in that deep, dark subconscious of yours."

Jesus. This woman just won’t stop!

"Zephyr is the Mediterranean term for any soft, gentle breeze, derived from the name of the Greek god of the west wind."

"You mean, like, a whole lot of hot air?"

"Yes," I said grinning. "Now the figure of Zephyr, with his cheeks all puffed out and his lips pursed, was an image Botticelli used in a subsequent work of art."

"Go on."

"In the fifteenth century Lorenzo d' Medici commissioned Botticelli to execute a series of illustrations for Dante's Inferno. It was to have been 100 drawings depicting Dante and Virgil in their traversal of Hell, Purgatory, and Heaven."

"By any chance are you making this up as you go along?"

"No, this is absolutely true, every word of it. You could look it up."

"All right, go on."

"Botticelli executed the drawings with a metal stylus on sheep's parchment, and went over them with a lead point similar to a pencil, and finally reinforced the strokes with ink."

"What does this have to do with our making love and that Venus painting?"

"Be patient, I'm getting to it. You recall the puffed cheeks of Zephyr above Venus?"


"Well, in one of the Inferno drawings Botticelli makes a deliberate visual allusion to it."

"How so?"

"All the illustrations are meant to convey the utter horror and degradation of eternal damnation. So if you look carefully, you will see a demon's raised bare arse. And from the anus embedded within those swelled cheeks comes forth an enormous noxious wet fart, which spews down into the face of one of the condemned."

Dr. Joan covered her mouth with her hand and giggled. "That's awful."

I pinched my nose. "Yes, utterly grotesque," I said, sounding as if I had a cold. "But that's the whole idea of hell, isn't it?"

"Wait a minute," she said. "How do we get so quickly from the goddess of love to the stink of hell?"

"Botticelli's range as an artist illustrates that within him--and indeed in all of us-- there coexist polar opposites. Love, hate. Softness, hardness. Acceptance, rejection. Come here, go away."

I was about to add, "Of all people, Joan, you should know all about that particular topic." But I thought better of it. No sense stirring her up.

"Do you write stuff like this in your journal?" she asked.

"Yes," I replied.

"Even about our having sex?"

"That, too."

"And is your journal where you intend to keep it?"

"Absolutely," I said earnestly. "It will remain our secret forever."

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